Last night

Last night I couldn't sleep.  I was in one of those weird funks where all I could do was think about everything going on.  My homework was to the point that I couldn't go any further without spending a solid hour to finish and I wasn't sure I could stay up that long.  I kept thinking about things....

First thing, yesterday I was told a dear friend's baby has cystic fibrosis.  At first when she told me this, I realized why her eyes were puffy and why she looked more drained than a brand new mom at 2 weeks looks.  My gut wrenched.  So I slowly began to ask, "So what does this mean?"  She began to tell me some of the info the docs told her and her husband.  Now, I began to question, yet again, why do bad things happen to good people?  Why is it that these two married individuals have done the right thing only to have their blessing totally mashed up!  I am teary-eyed just thinking about this.  I felt as she was talking that this was my baby too as I will be baby sitting for him.  I felt even worse when she said, "I'd completely understand if you don't want to watch him anymore."  Ugh... again with that gut wrenching feeling!  I looked down at that baby in my arms and could do nothing but love on him!  That's just one thing that was on my mind

Another thing on my mind was sin.  How in the world could we be such horrible sinners and yet God loves us?  Loves me?  There are so many things that I get caught up in and don't sit back and realize that God placed this in my life.  God gave me the ability to do--fill in the blank.  It's not me.  I should realize this when dealing with Dietrich.  Before I had Dietrich (even while I was pregnant) I couldn't stand another person's child.  Today, I still really can't (but give me a teenager and I'm cool!).  I had no previous experience with babies or even how to deal with them.  God blessed us with Dietrich and the instinct that only He can put in me, made me know how to take care of my child.  And yet again He loves me enough to provide this blessing for me. 

I had in my night stand Radical by David Plath and continued reading from where I left off.  It is so refreshing to be able to read what I want and when I want now that I'm on summer break.  I laid there and just cried out to Jesus as I read.  I recognized that I am worth it.  I am always a work in progress.  Sometimes I let people get to me.  People that knew me before I was saved.  They still see the old me and not the new me (I believe there is a song about that), and I get so frustrated!  Sometimes I am wrong because I give into those people and act like I would before. 

God has blessed me with a most loving husband, doing anything and everything with me in mind, a beautiful and perfect son for us, a home, and the fact that I get to stay home to take care of my family!  I never in a million years thought I'd want to be a stay-at-home mom!  But God changes people and most of all changes their hearts.

As I wrap this up so I can get another cup of coffee and work on some homework, I just ask that you pray with me for the family of the newly diagnosed baby:


Lord,  I come to you for a specific reason.  There is a baby of yours that needs your support.  His family needs your support as well.  Please fill them with a sense of peace and comfort during this time.  Open their hearts and minds to see Your just cause for placing this disease in their laps.  Lord it is without saying that you don't give more than we can take.  Make this family stronger for it.  Use this disease to bring this family to you and to lean upon you only.  You never do anything for us that doesn't bring an opportunity to lean upon you.  I thank you that we can come to you for support.  I thank you for sending the Holy Spirit as our comforter and to give us wisdom and peace.  It is in your name I pray, Amen.

Just a thought....

I'm back, yet again, for another post.  Hopefully these will come more often than in the past.  As of June 3rd I completed my 4th year of teaching.  June 4th I started Grad School at Saint Mary-of-the-Woods College!  It is a huge undertaking, but definitely fun!  I am working on my Masters of Education degree.  With that said I am finished teaching in the public schools as of now.  I resigned my position as 8th grade English teacher at Stonybrook Middle School so I can stay home and raise my family.  It was too hard to work and be a super mom for Dietrich and super wife for Dustin.  Many women complain about how difficult it is, but please don't complain to me until you're a teacher in an inner-city public school with middle schoolers.... 

Speaking of change, something I just feel like noting is that people have changed after I had Dietrich.  Sure my life structure changed and my first concern is my family, not myself, but people also look at me differently.  I'm not so sure I'm over it, but it does hurt.  I am purposely not one of those women that talk all about my child.  I know how that is and it gets old.  I only speak of Dietrich when someone asks and even then I don't go into detail unless someone asks. 

Does anyone else have this problem?  What is the cause?  Just a bit bitter over it :).

Thankful to Sons

 

Today is Dietrich's 8 month birthday!  Every day I am more impressed with him and the beauty of God's creation of Dietrich.  He is so close to crawling!  Today he got up on his knees and his hands and then didn't know what to do so he just rolled over.  Realizing that Dietrich is 8 months old today, I opened my Bible to Hebrews.

I know that may totally sound weird, but my Bible was my sidekick during my whole pregnancy with Dietrich.  I was in my Bible nightly and multiple times during the day.  I remember the day that I got so frustrated about not being able to get pregnant that I decided to tell God with my whole heart that regardless if I had a baby that I'd prefer to be obedient to Him over it all.  From that point on I had been so obedient, so in his Word, serving Him, making Him my priority that I never felt more closer to glory.  Life was going great!  I ended up being pregnant that following winter.  Dustin even noticed that my Bible never left my side. 

So that's what brought me to Hebrews today.  My faith in God is so strong.  I trust Him with my all and every decision I make, I try to make based upon what God wants for me.  I just wanted to read up on faith and how new converts to Christianity from Judaism had to deal with having such strong faith.  They were facing such physical and mental persecutions just because they believed Jesus was the Messiah.  I thank God every day that I am an American.  I am able to practice my religion freely without fear.  But I began to think what if I was in another country, would I give up everything I had for God?  Would I be one of those disobedient people leaving Egypt?  What does it take for an American to have unwavering faith?  People in other countries don't have that choice.  It's either all in or all out.

I am thankful that "Because he himself suffered when he was tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted" (Heb 3:18).  Obedience isn't just keeping the faith, it is putting all down before God.  God is always number one.   

Would you be all in?  What do you need to change to be all in?  What is your tempter? 

So with that said, I am thankful to the Son Jesus for my son Dietrich.  Motherhood is the most amazing blessing.  God may have sent the pain of childbirth down the line, but he sure did have compassion in a much more rewarding way!

This is the life!

Thursday we headed up north to spend some time with my family.  Mom and Dad had ham and potato and macaroni salad for supper when we got up there.  The whole house smelled of that mouth-watering ham.  Friday we went to Oscar's Mexican restaurant in Topeka.  I swear that is our ultimate favorite restaurant.  Oscar is amazing and very hospitable.  Saturday we waited for Mom and Eric to finish up working and headed to Fort Wayne.  We ate at Cheddar's and then headed to the mall.  Dietrich made out with some new sleepers and outfits.  Mom was even able to get a new outfit :).  We came home Sunday.

Oh yeah, we even got Grandma to get a new netbook.  She is now Skyping and Facebooking like the rest of us!  I believe pigs are flying, but it's sure happening!

It's Monday and Dietrich and I slept in until about 10!  It was pretty nice!  He did awake at 7:30 though because he had peed out of his diaper!  We always use Pampers (was swaddlers and now cruisers), but Dietrich was sleeping so long he'd have wet clothes in the morning.  So we decided to just try a size 4 in the Wal Mart brand to sleep in.  Oh boy was that a bad idea!  I don't know how people use the cheap diapers!?  Dietrich peed and pooed out those diapers.  It wasn't even just out of the top, it was out the sides and from the front!  It was like a sponge, as soon as he laid on it it released all of the liquid.  Wow!  Never making that mistake again :).  So to those of you that use Wal Mart diapers, I don't know how you do it!  I will be sticking with my Pampers!

Wrapping this up, I just want to mention again just how good God is!  I enjoy the blessing of Dietrich EVERY DAY!  God does know us before we are formed in the womb.  I believe he made the perfect  baby for Dustin and me.  I believe he rewards obedience.  I continue to praise God every day for the ability to know Him every day on this earth :).

Official Start of Spring Break

It is 0926 and I feel so refreshed already.  The sun is shining in through the door's window panes and the sounds of sleeping dogs and a beautiful sleeping baby make me feel so comfortable.  It is a comfortable that makes me know this is what I am supposed to be doing and reassures me every day of God's blessings just right here in my own home. 

Speaking of comfort, a friend of mine posted this to her blog:

Debate

I heard a story about a man who weighs his wife every morning and requires her to stay within a certain weight range. I didn't hear what the penalty is for going outside of that range, but it made me mad just thinking about it. Then I talked to my best friend about it, raving that it was unrighteous dominion. My friend said that to make that judgement we would need all the facts. They asked what was this man's motivation. I don't know if I am ready to accept that there is even an argument in favor of requiring your wife to be within a certain weight range. So here is my unretorical question for you bloggers: Is it unrighteous to weight your wife or I guess any partner every morning, placing restrictions on their weight? Please tell me what you think.

p.s. Thank goodness my husband doesn't do that. He would have had to leave me a long time ago if it were so. 

 This got me to really thinking even as I was posting a comment to her page.  At first I was completely appalled that a man would weigh his wife to ensure she was within certain parameters.  I thought, "Oh my goodness, Dustin would have left me years ago while the weight was packing on."  But then I started thinking... This country has a major epidemic of obesity.  It is causing early deaths, heart and other major diseases, and NO ONE seems to really care.  As much as I dislike Mrs. Obama, I do agree that obesity is a disease and needs to be taken care of, just like alcoholism or cancer.  In this case though it is so hard to not eat because we need food to nourish our bodies. 

Another thing to think about that isn't just health related.  We as a body of Christ are to keep each other in check and we call this accountability.  Why isn't there accountability for our weight or eating habits?  Shouldn't we be held accountable to that too??  I also make a comparison:  Jesus tells us that many will call him Lord, yet only a few will get to Him or Heaven.  So with that said, do many of us talk the talk of being healthy and eating right or are we really living the life? 


Now I am making a challenge to you (whoever reads this!) and to myself.  Let's walk the walk literally and be held accountable to what we place in our bodies and how we exercise to promote a positive health life. 

So exhausted

I have come to terms that I am getting older.  I am by no means one of the most "seasoned" women out there, but at times I tend to relate most to those that are my senior.  I say this because of just another example of my day today at work (should blog every day because no one would ever believe me).  Today I get up and get ready to go to work like normal, grab Dietrich, strap him in and head on out the door.  Everything is going great.  I even see gas prices are falling a bit because in this day $3.28 is considered cheap.  Side note--I remember filling up gas tanks for 97 cents a gallon when I was 16 back in 2000.  Wow that was 11 years ago! My routine is to drop Dietrich off and pray the 30 minutes it takes for me to get to work.  I am able to have an out-loud uninterrupted conversation with God during this time.  I am determined to have a positive day.  So I get to work and put my lunch in the faculty lounge and head to my room to prepare for my students.  With the positive attitude I pray again for my students that have been troublesome in my classes so that maybe I would have a smooth day.  

Academic Success (30 minute reteach) starts and the students are quite talkative.  I'm a bit nervous because the students are usually still asleep at 7:30 at that time so I should have known what was coming.  A few minutes after the first period bell rings, I have two girls going at it in my classroom.  It was verbally and then they started to get out of their seats and head toward one another.  I then had another student refuse to work and then grabbed a notebook out of my hands and continue drawing.  That was just my first period.  Second period is eaten up by a meanlingless meeting that we must attend every 3-4 weeks, only this time I had to be on my game because Elkhart West middle school came to visit us.  

Third period rolls around and it is the same students from period 1.  The rest of the period goes pretty smoothly.  Go to lunch, things sound fine, get back from lunch and the students I have are just plain talkative and loud.  I couldn't do anything but stand next to students and continue walking around to ensure they were working and not disrupting others.  Sixth and seventh period come and the students are just okay. 

I was just plain exhausted today.  My 4th/5th hour class (I have them 100 minutes) just plain wear me out.  I'm so ready for a change.  That's where the "seasoned" relationships come into play.  My mentors and close work friends is the generation that is retiring  I've lost many mentors so far and am losing another two this year.  I know I am not going back to work as of now and I feel as though I'm retiring too.  I know I'm going to miss teaching and reaching inner city students.  But if I were to stay, it could be harmful to my health, I'd miss Dietrich growing up, and I'd miss many other opportunities to serve God.  

On another note:  Dietrich was at Riley the weekend before last.  This week he is starting to get a bad deep cough again even though we have continued the breathing treatments as needed.  He has an appointment with his pediatrician tomorrow, March 17th at 5:45.  Hopefully we can figure out what's up with the poor little boy!

Here is a pic of him from last Friday-- just exhausted from being sick!

It's been awhile

Hello, from a long time ago!  It's been a very long time since I've posted anything!  I'm going to try to use this blog as more of a positive outlet and some pondering thoughts.   

A lot has happened since July 29, 2010 and much of it has been nothing but bliss.  January rolls around and I decide to head back to work.  Dustin, being as supportive as he always is, just makes it known that he will support me in any decision I make, but he would have liked me to stay home.  Me being me and the "I can do all" thinking leads me back to work.  The second day back to school I am called an "F-ing B" but of course it was said completely full out.  The week goes on and I was just exhausted.  There have been fights every day since I've been back.  There have been arrests, suspensions, heart breaks, etc.  I found out a former student of mine is pregnant at 17.  Nothing but just major blows.  Sometimes it seems as though my career isn't worth it anymore.  Our school was redistricted and we ended up with some harder students.  By harder I mean: They raise themselves.  They act like animals at times because they are in survival mode.  My classroom is well managed, the students do what they are supposed to, but as soon as they leave my room it's as though nothing I do sticks.  Are they too far gone by the 8th grade?  It also makes me wonder how they got this far without someone telling them how it is?  I'm just not sure.  

Something else that makes me wonder if my career is as important is that I am now a mother.  I want to be the one that raises my child, not a baby sitter, though we are blessed with the BEST baby sitter we could ever ask for!  My best friend Amy is watching Dietrich.  She is just such a blessing in our lives that we cannot ever thank her enough.  God has definitely been a part of everything we've done with Dietrich.  I have learned to trust in God fully.  Along with that trust comes all of the blessings and we sure are blessed.  

My schedule was getting up at 4:45, pumping, getting Dietrich ready to go to Amy's for the day, work a full schedule, and then go home to spend the 3 hours I had that evening with my family.  

Fast forward to March.  Dietrich finally catches a virus that I inevitably brought home.  It landed him in Riley's emergency room and then admitted over night for monitoring.  He was sent home with a nebulizer and steroids. 

Now it is March 13th at 17:21.  Not much has changed in my schedule, other than I have allowed myself to dry up this past week.  No more Bessie here.  Wouldn't you know it too, that cabbage of all things takes the pain away in two days and dries you up quickly and painlessly?!  Loved it!  

As I reflect upon my life just since January, a lot of change has occurred.  I gave up a lot of things just to go back to work.  It has been hitting me hard most recently.  I haven't given up things that are just fun.  I have given up my position of leading Bible study, being a part of a women's group at church, gave up many Sunday mornings just to rest because I was so overwhelmed, given up girls nights of just discussing how the Lord is working in our lives and how we're serving him.  So in essence, what I've given up is my healthy spiritual life.  

Lastly, I just want to give props to God.  I want to praise Him for every blessing that means the world to me:
1. Salvation through his Son
2. A loving husband
3. A beautiful, happy, healthy son
4. A home
5. A new vehicle
6. The financial position to pay off our bills so I can stay home with Dietrich after this semester.

Praise Him, He is worthy, He is Holy.