Last night

Last night I couldn't sleep.  I was in one of those weird funks where all I could do was think about everything going on.  My homework was to the point that I couldn't go any further without spending a solid hour to finish and I wasn't sure I could stay up that long.  I kept thinking about things....

First thing, yesterday I was told a dear friend's baby has cystic fibrosis.  At first when she told me this, I realized why her eyes were puffy and why she looked more drained than a brand new mom at 2 weeks looks.  My gut wrenched.  So I slowly began to ask, "So what does this mean?"  She began to tell me some of the info the docs told her and her husband.  Now, I began to question, yet again, why do bad things happen to good people?  Why is it that these two married individuals have done the right thing only to have their blessing totally mashed up!  I am teary-eyed just thinking about this.  I felt as she was talking that this was my baby too as I will be baby sitting for him.  I felt even worse when she said, "I'd completely understand if you don't want to watch him anymore."  Ugh... again with that gut wrenching feeling!  I looked down at that baby in my arms and could do nothing but love on him!  That's just one thing that was on my mind

Another thing on my mind was sin.  How in the world could we be such horrible sinners and yet God loves us?  Loves me?  There are so many things that I get caught up in and don't sit back and realize that God placed this in my life.  God gave me the ability to do--fill in the blank.  It's not me.  I should realize this when dealing with Dietrich.  Before I had Dietrich (even while I was pregnant) I couldn't stand another person's child.  Today, I still really can't (but give me a teenager and I'm cool!).  I had no previous experience with babies or even how to deal with them.  God blessed us with Dietrich and the instinct that only He can put in me, made me know how to take care of my child.  And yet again He loves me enough to provide this blessing for me. 

I had in my night stand Radical by David Plath and continued reading from where I left off.  It is so refreshing to be able to read what I want and when I want now that I'm on summer break.  I laid there and just cried out to Jesus as I read.  I recognized that I am worth it.  I am always a work in progress.  Sometimes I let people get to me.  People that knew me before I was saved.  They still see the old me and not the new me (I believe there is a song about that), and I get so frustrated!  Sometimes I am wrong because I give into those people and act like I would before. 

God has blessed me with a most loving husband, doing anything and everything with me in mind, a beautiful and perfect son for us, a home, and the fact that I get to stay home to take care of my family!  I never in a million years thought I'd want to be a stay-at-home mom!  But God changes people and most of all changes their hearts.

As I wrap this up so I can get another cup of coffee and work on some homework, I just ask that you pray with me for the family of the newly diagnosed baby:


Lord,  I come to you for a specific reason.  There is a baby of yours that needs your support.  His family needs your support as well.  Please fill them with a sense of peace and comfort during this time.  Open their hearts and minds to see Your just cause for placing this disease in their laps.  Lord it is without saying that you don't give more than we can take.  Make this family stronger for it.  Use this disease to bring this family to you and to lean upon you only.  You never do anything for us that doesn't bring an opportunity to lean upon you.  I thank you that we can come to you for support.  I thank you for sending the Holy Spirit as our comforter and to give us wisdom and peace.  It is in your name I pray, Amen.